Tales From The Big City, Part 1
Stinky Eddie and I were driving through NYC when we saw a homeless guy (a rather young one, and minus the the scraggly beard and the layers of filth and perhaps if you replaced some of the missing teeth he'd be a handsome one too) holding a sign that said "I NEED A PLACE TO LIVE. I HAVE AIDS AND A CAT." Now, yes, I understand this is all very tragic, and how he came to this point I don't know, but Eddie and I discussed it for a bit and decided that if it were either of us, we'd have left out the part about the cat. I mean, let's say I'm of a mind to take you in, knowing you're homeless, stinky, carrying a deadly disease and perhaps of questionable mental health, and I'm willing to overlook all of that - but then there's a cat too? I'm thinking the cat's a deal breaker, well, it would be for me anyway. I say keep the part about the cat off the sign, wait until I (actually, not I) or some authentic good Samaritan pulls over, and then just as you're about to close the door, ask, "Oh, can my cat come too?" Just some friendly advice if he happens to read this, which is unlikely, on account of the whole homeless thing, which probably also means computer-less as well, but there for the grace of God goes all of us so keep it in mind just in case.
posted by Norman P. Function @ 1:33 PM
3 Comments:
" which probably also means computer-less as well"
Don't you believe it. I know that guy...he has a laptop.
I once beat up a homeless man. See, I had forgotten to bring money or an ATM card on that day, and I desperately needed a few dollars so I could buy a Big Mac for lunch.
So I see this homeless dude sitting around begging for loose change. Except that unlike most homeless dudes, he had quite a few coins in his collection plate. In fact, enough to get myself a Big Mac.
I pretended to reach into my wallet to give him some money, then just as he was leaning in hopefully, I punched his face with all the force I could muster, grabbed a handful of coins and threw them in his face, then grabbed another handful of coins and put them in my pocket.
He was pretty surprised, went down like a brick, but just to make sure he wasn't going to follow me and steal my money, I gave him a few extra kicks.
The Big Mac was great.
So Norm... Are you gonna update anytime soon. I noticed your comic's been lagging behind quite a bit as well.
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