tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-116731162011-11-26T18:18:47.553-06:00The thoughts and musings of Norman P. Function, everyman and no one.Norman P. Functionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05792862906413131194noreply@blogger.comBlogger131100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11673116.post-1129831617012247162005-10-20T10:49:00.000-05:002005-10-20T13:57:24.856-05:00

As a webcomic character myself, I try to feign interest in all the pap and smear that oozes from our tiny world, and the latest is all about critics, and so there you go and here I am to toss in my ha'penny.When I was in high school, I wanted to write for the school newspaper. The editor was a popular kid, and so it followed that all the other kids on the staff were popular as well, and me being

Norman P. Functionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05792862906413131194noreply@blogger.com21tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11673116.post-1121789951574329622005-07-19T10:47:00.000-05:002005-07-19T11:19:11.580-05:00

Remember back in the 60's, when Cassius Clay won the Heavyweight title and then announced to the world that he was changing his name to Muhammed Ali and becoming a Muslim? I thought it would be an interesting contrast to the social climate of 40 years ago if Tiger Woods, after winning the British Open, announced he was changing his name to Kallid Mohammed and was becoming a Muslim. Now we may be

Norman P. Functionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05792862906413131194noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11673116.post-1121186985809946642005-07-12T10:46:00.000-05:002005-07-12T11:49:45.816-05:00

Remember when a letter writer to Dear Abby or Ann Landers would include the phrase "not his real name?" As in "I've been dating 'Carl' (not his real name) for six months now and I think he may be the one. He's a wonderful, caring man and I love him dearly except for two things. One, his eating habits (i.e. cannibalism), and two, his atrocious foot hygiene. I want to say something but I don't want

Norman P. Functionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05792862906413131194noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11673116.post-1120544400574774132005-07-05T00:33:00.000-05:002005-07-05T01:20:00.583-05:00

Okay, first let me apologize for being gone for so long. It's like this - first you lose your password, then you forget your username, then you call a cop a name and you're in the county lock up for 42 days. See, I learned something. You can call a cop "McGarrett," or "Kojak," or "Columbo," even "Barney Fife" and it's usually taken in the humorous spirit in which it's intended. But call him "

Norman P. Functionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05792862906413131194noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11673116.post-1114009463361974122005-04-20T09:39:00.000-05:002005-04-20T10:04:23.363-05:00

Okay, so my Latin really isn't up to snuff...but anyway, some thoughts on Benedict XVI, seeing as it's been some 60 plus years since we've seen a German on a balcony speaking to tens of thousands below, as it were. Me and stinky Eddie think it's high time we get a younger pope, one who'll come out on the balcony and do the thumb, forefinger and pinky "I'm at a Mettalica concert" hand gesture,

Norman P. Functionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05792862906413131194noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11673116.post-1113434789954959742005-04-13T18:07:00.000-05:002005-04-13T18:26:29.956-05:00

Eddie and I are on our way to Washington D C. Eddie had this cool idea to re-enact the assassination of the A. Lincoln, as part of our plan to re-enact all the assassinations and film it all as a kind of documentary thing. Our unique twist is we do the assassinations as it might be re-enacted by the Stooges. For example, I'm Moe as Lincoln sitting in the booth watching the play when Eddie, as

Norman P. Functionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05792862906413131194noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11673116.post-1112985349380780502005-04-08T13:33:00.000-05:002005-04-08T13:37:38.543-05:00

Stinky Eddie and I were driving through NYC when we saw a homeless guy (a rather young one, and minus the the scraggly beard and the layers of filth and perhaps if you replaced some of the missing teeth he'd be a handsome one too) holding a sign that said "I NEED A PLACE TO LIVE. I HAVE AIDS AND A CAT." Now, yes, I understand this is all very tragic, and how he came to this point I don't know,

Norman P. Functionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05792862906413131194noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11673116.post-1112665708224724832005-04-04T20:16:00.000-05:002005-04-04T20:48:28.226-05:00

I was thinking about the early days of AOL instant messaging, when we were naive enough to think that the person who IM'd you was really a 17 year old "cheerleader type" lookin' 4 fun. Specifically, the time I was involved online with SASSYASS, who claimed to be said cheerleader, lookin' 4 fun with a "cowboy type or ranchhand," which I am neither but was happy to play the part. Anyway, after a

Norman P. Functionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05792862906413131194noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11673116.post-1112364859054597972005-04-01T07:43:00.000-06:002005-04-01T08:14:19.056-06:00

April Fools Day, 1997. I'm over at Eddie's , big day because his smell level was cranked up to 11 on the stink amp and I convinced him to take a shower. With soap. Anyway, while he's in there, the phone rings and I answer it. It's his aunt Gina, calling to tell Eddie that his mom has passed away. They found her in a hotel with a bunch of sleeping pills and cheap whiskey. Well, that part they

Norman P. Functionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05792862906413131194noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11673116.post-1112144248223106232005-03-29T18:53:00.000-06:002005-03-29T18:57:28.226-06:00

So me and Stinky Eddie get one of those new nickels, the one with the hip profile of Tommy J. and the buffalo in the back, and it doesn’t take us long to notice that said buffalo is what the grownups call “anatomically correct,” or as me and Eddie say, hung like a, well, buffalo. Anyway, it’s the kind of thing we wish we’d known about, because we would have been at our local federal reserve bank

Norman P. Functionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05792862906413131194noreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11673116.post-1111894675024885372005-03-26T21:17:00.000-06:002005-03-26T21:37:55.026-06:00

For those who aren't familiar with me, I live with a chicken named O'Toole. We call him the foul mouthed chicken because he swears up a storm, mostly because he's so bitter about the status of poultry in today's world. For example, I was talking about March madness and O'Toole says, "Do you know what madness is? Madness is the endless slaughter of millions of my brothers and sisters each and

Norman P. Functionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05792862906413131194noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11673116.post-1111695378656566642005-03-24T13:42:00.000-06:002005-03-24T14:21:14.926-06:00

Now, I don't want to piss off all the folks who have a strong opinion on that woman in Florida who got the feeding tube yanked, because after all your opinion's about as worthless as this piece of shit Compaq computer I'm typing on, what with neither of us having any say as to whether she should be fed or not and most likely all of us getting on with our lives full steam not too long after she

Norman P. Functionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05792862906413131194noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11673116.post-1111690660241696042005-03-24T12:56:00.000-06:002005-03-24T13:20:44.270-06:00

I went to see the movie "Downfall" last night. It's a German film depicting the final days of A. Hitler and the gang down in the bunker. I'd provide some spoiler space but you should be aware of how it all ends, seeing as how thanks to cable Hitler can be seen on five channels at any one time during the day. Anyway, I went with Stinky Eddie and as usual he provided some interesting insight, like

Norman P. Functionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05792862906413131194noreply@blogger.com1